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Let's Talk: Breakups & Why You'll Be Fine

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Breakups are always hard whether you broke up with them or it was the other way around. I have no experience of that so today I wanted to talk about being broken up with. It's hard to take but trust me you'll be just fine and here's why!



1. You can't go back.

Going back to them is a natural thought because you put effort into building a relationship and it seems strange to let that all go. Also not talking to them after talking to them everyday can be difficult but it gets easier. It's natural to want to go back straight away but once you get out of that mindset and start thinking of your own happiness, you'll realise that it's for the best. Sometimes your heart can blind you to the real situation, you need to trust your head and trust that you don't need that person.
Okay first of all I need to tell you the one thing that changed my outlook on the situation. I was in one of those headspace like 'I can't deal without this person, I need them back' and thats fair enough because it's a shock at first and the road ahead seems really hard. Then a friend said to me 'You can't go back to someone who doesn't want you' and then it all seemed clear in my head. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you completely. There's no point being with someone who's always one foot out and not giving you the same amount of love and effort. Once you get that into your head, trust me, it all gets much easier to cope with. 
Dont go back because someone who loves you wouldn't hurt you by leaving. You'll even realise that you can be so much happier without that person.

2. Learning to be alone is fun.

This was daunting for me because I'd seen him everyday for 3 years, so learning to be alone and stay happy was really important for me. For the first week I had Grace come over and we just sat together because I didn't feel like I could be alone with my head; at the weekends I'd make plans and go out but then on the nights you will be alone and you have to learn to be ok with that. It does get easier in time, for example now I actually really enjoy my alone time! 
My tips are to surround yourself with positive people so if you do feel down you can message them or see them. 
Things that help being alone:
-Throwing yourself into work, revision or any jobs that you normally put off.
-Listen to music. I'd say make a playlist that makes you happy, with jazzy songs and good vibes and that will cheer you up.
-Watch films!! There's so many films on my 'to watch' list so I've been going through and having my own little movie nights. You may even find a new favourite, like Room for me.
-Start/finish off a tv series. I started Awkward and I've been loving it, I even watched some episodes more than once!
-Put more effort into hobbies. I've been working more into future plans for my blog because it's productive and give you something positive to do.

One tip I'd give for being alone, is to stop doing things you know will hurt. Dont look through old photos, dont go on time hop, dont look at old conversations, dont look at them on social media!! Also, dont go out drinking and think it will take your mind off it. I know at the start I'd make plans to go out on the weekends to drink and forget but you dont, if you're in a negative place it will make it worse, especially the morning after. I think drinking is fine if you're doing it positively, like going to parties and dancing and having a good time but don't negatively do that to yourself.  Just keep your mind on positive things and don't allow them to ruin that.

3. You, Your Friends, Family and Meeting New People.

Sometimes when you're in a relationship you can feel like they are you best friend and you retreat into a little bubble, so when this breaks you may feel alone. You're not, there's so many people ready to pick you back up. I know my friends and family have been there to help me, I've put a lot more effort into spending quality time with them and it's really helped to take my mind off things. Seriously, people love you and they will be there if you want to cry or even if you just chat about anything. It's also important to get yourself up and out and start making your own plans. People like people who make the effort and make the plans, so start doing it! Don't be afraid if people say no or don't reply because if they are good friends they will.

4. Do you at your own pace.

Don't put a time on anything. Time is a long healing process so dont think 'oh I need to be over this in a month' I think you just need to take as long as you need. Don't think you're taking to long or don't get scared if it's moving too quick; do things for you and you'll be fine. Put yourself first.

I just want to say that sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe timing was wrong or maybe that person wasn't meant to stay in your life for longer and it's ok. Don't dwell on how you could've changed the situation and don't blame yourself. You need to focus on yourself and focus on loving yourself and someone who is meant to be in your life, either as a new friend or a new partner, will come along right when you're not expecting it. These things take time and at first it will be really hard but everyday gets better. You'll have down days but don't worry, don't message them and don't go back. You deserve to be loved by someone that loves you. You'll be okay.

My inbox is always open to anyone who need a chat!
If you have any advice share it in the comments!





11 comments

  1. Hi, this post has come along at the perfect time (well, not perfect but right time).. My (ex) boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me about a month ago (it really is hard)... So I'll be saving this post to come back to a few times :) I've already found a few tv series to keep me busy haha.. I like to try and look on the positive side of things... I hope your ok? Xx
    Kirsty X
    Www.xoxokiki2.wordpress.com

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  2. This is such a lovely, reassuring post. And, I agree with it all - your words are so true xx

    Sam // Samantha Betteridge

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  3. It's been five years since I was last broken up with after a serious relationship and I definitely agree with everything you've said. I'm single at the moment and I'm actually really happy with that; it's absolutely true that these things happen for a reason. This was a really great post for anyone having recently suffered a break up - well done on you for using your experiences in a positive way!
    Rebecca | Notes From September
    Xx

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  4. You are probably one of the sweetest, most genuine blogger I have come across since blogging.. and it is because of posts like this. I (thankfully) have never gone through a break up.. but have had friends who have and it really is the worst thing ever to see someone go through. These tips will be so helpful to so man people... I love the positive vib this pose has lovely.. it's amazing! Well done Sophie!

    Saira
    www.throughtheglitterglass.wordpress.com
    xo

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  5. This is such a helpful and well written post! I can tell it will help a lot of people. I personally have never been through a breakup ( or had a boyfriend for that matter) but I am sure one day I will need this post ( hopefully) X :)

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  6. These are all amazing tips, especially healing at your own pace! Everything takes time :)

    Renee | Lose The Road

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  7. Sophie you made me cry reading this! It was everything I needed to hear, I've been in the same situation recently and it's so ridiculously tough, but it's so true that it gets better every day! Everything really does happen for a reason! :) xx

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  8. I'm lucky in that I've never been through a break up, but this clearly will help lots of people. It's so good that you're coming to terms with things and being able to use your experience to help others :)

    Emily xx | emilyclairewrites.com

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  9. I had a boyfriend for 6 years and I can totally relate to this!! So proud x

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  10. Follow my blog g324gracestubbings.blogspot.co.uk

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  11. I read this post on the day you published, unaware that I would actually be going through a break up of my own with my boyfriend of three years just a few days after! I keep referring back to this post whilst I'm going through this horrible time, which has sadly come at the worst time, because I'm really struggling with my mental health. But as you said, things happen for a reason. It's time now to focus on myself and get better for me. I hope you're doing well xx

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

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